Today as I write this, my first born daughter Aravis Gwen is 1 year and 9 days old. She is not with me now because she and her dad went home to our place in another city. I am totally alone, only sharing loud thoughts with the computer and the electric fan.
It makes me stop and think and rewriting me back to my 21 year old self. I was hesitant to be a mother because of all my back history of dislike for children as I was growing up. Now, I will be a mother of two.
Of the first year as a mom, I have to say it was an up and down struggle, even with myself. I struggled to contain my own uniqueness as a person, but that uniqueness clashed with being a mother to my child. I am lazy, bossy and hard to admit my mistakes. A mother should not be any of the three behaviors I just mentioned.
I am disorganized when a mother should be hygienic and know where everything is. I am forgetful when a mother has to remember to give her child vitamins at 8’ o clock in the morning. It was a struggle between the old me and the evolving me.
I wondered how I would progress as a mother in the next few years as my children would grow up to scratch their knees, get their assignment returned, fail some of their exams and get their heart broken. It seems that with every milestone of a child, a mother evolves into a different person, a different soul.
I wish I knew what I would do if my daughter cries her heart out just because she thinks her hair is ugly, or if my son would not be accepted in the basketball team. I hope I know what to say when she asks me what is love and how I felt it or when they ask why their daddy and I never got married.
A woman’s life does turn around when she becomes a person another person calls “Mama”. She learns the skills of cooking, washing the dishes, washing clothes, ironing, sweeping the floor and setting the table. She arranges food to put in her family’s mouth every breakfast, lunch and dinner. She provides treatment to treat common colds and fever.
It is true, a woman’s perspective changes when she becomes a mom. She becomes wiser, more careful, more loving, more understanding – she becomes the person she wants her daughter and son to love for the rest of their lives.
Those are the things that I want to become so my children can call me the mother that they have always wanted and loved – for they are the children, even as early as now, that I know I will be proud.
Author: Maria Jevska Nicolau is a 23-year old trainer on sales excellence who has a long love history with writing and won many journalism awards at college and region. She has a one year old daughter and a baby boy on the way. She likes Harry Potter and it is her ambition to write a book.
Check previous blogs from this author I am my daughter’s daughter.